DIVORCE: The Enemy's Plan Of Attack On Our Children

Yesterday, a young person that I mentor called me up asking if we could get together as they needed to talk. Within a few hours we were sitting across the table from one another as they poured their heart out regarding their father having just left the home. My mentee had brought along a younger sibling and it was painfully obvious that these children were confused and hurting over their parent's threats of divorce and their father's earlier departure.

Undoubtedly, the enemy was pleased.

With family being the cornerstone of society and marriage being a component which assists in guarding us against questionable paternity and sexual immorality, his strategy is obvious. Destroy the family and children are then open game. I've read many studies which have indicated, over and over again, that children from broken homes struggle more with poor academic achievement, truancy, gang affiliation, drug and alcohol abuse and even incarceration. This is not to say that every child from divorced parents goes this route only that the chances of them doing so are believed to increase as a result of divorce and being raised in a single-parent (often female-headed) household. The enemy's strategy is surely to divide and conquer. Divide the parents and conquer our children.

I'm aware that many don't believe in remaining together for the sake of children. Even many psychologists now say that doing so is not a good idea as such homes are often tumultuous battlegrounds creating environments psychologically harmful to children. But what about not just staying together, but working it out for the sake of the children? How about realizing the harmful effects of an unhappy home and of divorce and agreeing, together, that for the children's sake you will do any and everything to recreate a happy marriage and remain together forever (because even adult children are scarred by divorce)?

This morning, I woke up to the headline that Shaquille and Shaunie O'Neal are divorcing. They have six minor children. That is a total of eight lives that are affected and six of them are (I'll bet) being given no choice in the matter!

Divorce is the enemy's plan. We have got to find ways to thwart his intentions and make marriages work. If we don't, it is our children who pay the highest price. And, if he can attack people at an early enough stage, he has a better chance of affecting the rest of their lives. In his plan of destruction, the younger (and weaker) the better.

I don't pretend to know the answer to everyone's marital woes, but I do know that the answers are all within the Word of Elohim. I know that if anyone seeks His will first, He will never tell two to divorce. This past weekend, my cousin Wes told me that he is divorcing Macy. He said he prayed about it and that this was his answer. Obviously, he's been deceived. I can see Elohim telling them to get off of drugs. I can see Elohim telling him to honor his wife. I can see Elohim telling him to repent and to forgive his wife at the same time, but I cannot see Elohim, who hates divorce, telling one who calls upon Him to abandon his covenant. That is contrary to everything He teaches about marriage in the scriptures.

This is another reason why I say that legal marriage is nothing even related to biblical marriage. With legal marriage, divorce (and remarriage) is perfectly acceptable (and as many times as you wish to do so...legally). With legal marriage, no reason has to even be given for divorce in contrast to the bible which ONLY allows it in cases of adultery (if forgiveness can't be found) and, even then, neither should be allowed to remarry. In legal marriage, no biblical standard is held or enforced. Legal marriage is an entirely different institution from what Elohim gave us at creation.

Divorce, however, has always been an attack strategy of the enemy and it has always been perfectly permissible by the State. When will we see the parallels?

And to think that Christians are willingly participating in this strategy daily as though it's perfectly normal and acceptable literally makes my heart weep.

Call me unrealistic, idealistic, legalistic, judgmental or even plain crazy, but it is what it is...wrong! Don't take my word for it, take His. And even if you disagree, I hope you'll at least remember to pray for the children on the enemies radar which are under attack.

Shalom,

Free

Divorce Is The Biggest Threat To Heterosexual Marriage

Why people don't get this, I don't know. Christians all over the U.S. are up in arms about gay marriage while heterosexual marriages are crumbling right and left. Sadly, many of them are taking place between evangelical Christians. I cannot tell you how deeply disturbing I find this to be.

It was brought to my attention yesterday that approximately six active and well known couples from my former church have divorced since I left there a little better than a year ago. This church is pastored by a couple that has been married for 27 years and are very pro-marriage. Being very vocal against couples living together, against gay marriage and even against people remaining single late in life (the pastor feels such is abnormal, esp. for a male) and being a ministry very involved in the personal lives of its congregants, I find the news of these divorces to be rather surprising. I know it happens...but, six!?

(SIDENOTE: Mr. Free and I, needless to say, had our issues at this church as we were not a "State married" couple and we didn't allow them to push us into being so. I loved my church, though, and I loved the pastor and his wife, even if they bugged us relentlessly on the legal marriage issue, lol. While I was very active in the church, I was unable to lead any groups because I lacked a secular marriage contract. Yet, divorced and remarried people were allowed to do so, despite what the bible teaches on such being a sin. I've always found that to be a bit hypocritical, but whatever...)

With four high profile Christians in the news recently with major marital drama, I have to ask: where is the outrage? The protests? The proposed amendments to the Constitution? Okay, I'm going overboard, but I really do wonder when we are going to treat divorce as a sin and speak up? When will we recognize divorce as the MOST major threat to hetero marriages? In fact, it's not even a threat...it is the actual destroyer! And where is the accountability? As witnesses to and/or officiants over these marriages, when are we going to hold people accountable to their vows? To their covenants? I know we can't force people to remain married, but should we just sit by and silently watch their marriages go down in flames and accept this as a fact of life? And, on the whole legality of these marriages, why have anyone sign a contract if a breach of that contract holds no repercussion? What's the point?

And how do we tell our children that they should even get married, remain married and never divorce when they see divorces happening right there in church? I don't even want to add up the weddings I've taken my son to where the couples are now divorced. How do we expect young people to honor the institution when they see people make and break their vows to each other and to the Most High every day?

I don't have the answers, but the questions certainly frustrate me.

I'm ranting and I know I'm being judgmental, but I'm really, REALLY saddened that we spend so much time and energy fighting to keep marriage sacred, yet we treat it as anything but when we accept divorce as "just a part of life".

This is kinda like Christians fighting for the 10 Commandments to remain on display in public places, yet they don't even observe all 10 or even believe all 10 to be relevant. Ask a Christian when was the last time they observed the 4th Commandment and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. But, I guess that's a rant for another day.

None of it makes any sense to me.

*===== pushing my soapbox back in the corner now =====*

Okay, I'm done.

~Free

Randy And Paula White Divorcing

I seriously almost want to cry. Not that I'm a big Paula White fan, but it's just sad to hear so many people who profess to be true believers and who know the Word and know what the Word teaches regarding marriage, but cannot continue in their own marriages. That it comes on the heels of the whole Juanita Bynum/Bishop Weeks ordeal is like a double blow. Many times I've heard Paula White gush about her husband, Randy, and many times I've seen her discuss the topic of marriage and even counseling other couples. I know this must be devastating for both of them to now face this, but my prayers are with them. I'm not big on the whole prosperity gospel movement (of which Paula is a main character), but we're all human and this just hurts to see:

Without Walls Founders Divorcing

By MICHELLE BEARDEN and BAIRD HELGESON , The Tampa Tribune

Tampa Bay Online

Updated: 8:59 p.m. PT Aug 23, 2007

TAMPA - Randy and Paula White, the founders and co-pastors of what has been one of the nation's biggest and fastest-growing churches, plan to divorce.

Members of Without Walls International Church reacted with tears and a chorus of "Oh, no's" after the Whites' announcement at Thursday night's service.

Randy called Paula to the podium about an hour into the service. He was somber; Paula appeared choked up.

"It's the most difficult decision I've ever had to make in my entire life," he told the congregation, describing Paula as an exceptional woman, mother and preacher.

She pledged to return frequently to preach.

Viewers who tuned in to a live webcast of the service missed the announcement; the video and audio were cut off for about 10 minutes.

The most shaken members left the service and went into the entryway to cry or call loved ones. Most said the news came as a shock, but it didn't shake their faith in the ministry.

"It's like hearing the news from your parents," said Frank Murillo, who has attended the church for 10 years. "They are great people. We all go through stuff. Pastor Randy will be here, and I will be here."

Kerran Fuller has attended the church on and off since the beginning of the year.

The announcement "didn't weaken the church in anyway," he said after the service. "I'll definitely keep going."

The Whites, who've been married nearly 18 years, said in interviews that the split is amicable and comes after visits to counselors over several years.

They blame two lives going in different directions.

Randy, however, said he takes "100 percent responsibility" for the breakup.

"I want to apologize for the poor decisions I've made in my life, to my congregation and to the body of Christ," he told The Tampa Tribune. "I think I've let a lot of people down."

Those regrets, he said, include how he has treated some people, lifestyle changes and being seen in public with women other than his wife, even if it was innocent.

He and Paula said the split involves no third party on either side.

Randy will stay at Without Walls as senior pastor while Paula concentrates on her ministry, which includes a TV show broadcast on several national networks including Black Entertainment Television, conferences, and book and video sales.

She'll remain based in Tampa, with satellite operations in California, New York City and San Antonio.

Church attendance "will take a hit" from the news, Randy predicted. Without Walls reports having 23,000 members.

Its finances also will be affected: Paula's ministry brings in about $50,000 to $80,000 a week, he said. An audit put total church revenues at nearly $40 million last year.

Individual Pursuits

Although Paula will continue to financially support the church, the Whites are in the process of separating operations.

The couple have pursued individual goals in recent months, rarely preaching together at the church on North Grady Avenue near Raymond James Stadium. They've also had to deal with the illness of Randy's grown daughter, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor in December.

Paula, 41, is frequently on the road for her for-profit and nonprofit ventures. One of those, Paula White Enterprises, changed earlier this year when Randy's name was removed as a director, according to Department of State records. In February, she created a new nonprofit, PWM Lifecenter, listing as directors herself, church CFO Norva Carrington, and Rick Hawkins, founding pastor of the Family Praise Center in San Antonio, Texas.

She has made many speaking trips recently to San Antonio and this month purchased a $681,000 home there. She serves as "oversight pastor" to Hawkins' son Dustin, who now leads the church.

Paula also frequently travels to New York City, where she has a Trump Tower condo and leads monthly services at her new Life by Design Empowerment Center.

Randy, 49, has spent several months commuting to Malibu, Calif., where he signed a one-year lease on a beachfront dwelling. He had told his congregation he planned to start another church there, but now says those plans are on hold.

This is the second marriage each for the Whites, who came to Tampa after marrying in Maryland in March 1990. They have four grown children - three from his previous marriage, one from hers.

Without Walls church board member Alick Clarke of Acton, Calif., a longtime friend, said the impending divorce is sad news.

"They were like my heroes. I really love them," he said. "But I'm also a little pissed off. I didn't help them build their dream to have them throw it all away."

An Australian-born businessman, Clarke said he's given hundreds of thousands of dollars to the church since it was founded by the Whites in 1991 as the South Tampa Christian Center.

He partially blamed the couple's breakup on their devotion to preaching a prosperity message, exhorting followers to give more money to the church in order to be blessed with greater wealth.

"Too many ministries have become big business. That message is desecrating the church today," said Clarke, adding that he was disturbed to learn that with revenues at $40 million last year, the church was $22 million in debt.

"That's just not right."

Other questions about the Whites' financial dealings arose in stories published by the Tribune in May. Those included the couple's failure to repay a $170,000 loan from an elderly widow, money borrowed in 1995 as a down payment on a house. The couple sold the house in 2006, but still had not repaid the loan to Ruth McGinnis by May.

This week, McGinnis told the Tribune that "everything's been settled financially between Pastor Randy and me."

Also in May, The Tribune wrote about a young mother who said she never received the home she won in a widely publicized church contest in 2002.

On Aug. 15 she reported she and her four children had just moved into a new home purchased by the church.

Money Matters

The Whites have declined to say what the church pays them.

Michael Chitwood, whose financial services company devised their compensation package, said he recalled they have taken an annual salary as high as $1.5 million collectively, though most years it's closer to $600,000.

They were approved to take up to $3 million collectively, said the president of Chitwood & Chitwood of Tennessee.

Perhaps the most complex part of their divorce, being handled by Holland & Knight law firm, will be dividing up the assets, debts and business interests.

The couple's home on Bayshore Boulevard has an assessed value of $2.22 million. They have a land trust that includes two Tampa houses with assessed values of $144,800 and $257,835. The New York condo is valued at about $3.5 million.

Their multimillion-dollar ministry includes a private jet.

Randy White has said much of their wealth comes from more than 23 successful business ventures, including real estate and his role as a pitchman for Great HealthWorks' Omega XL fatty acid pills.

His main company, RAW Realty, is listed on his company Web site as being housed at 100 S. Ashley Drive, Suite 1180, in Tampa, but a law firm occupies that space. The state lists the company as being located at 2511 Grady Ave. in Tampa, which is the church address. The phone number on the Web site and listed with the state is disconnected. E-mails sent to the Web address were not returned.

White said this week the company is "very much active" in real estate, residential acquisitions and other ventures, but he's pared it down to himself and one assistant.

An 'Amazing' Start

Phil Cooke, a Los Angeles-based media strategist and consultant for religious and nonprofit organizations, said he remembers when the couple started their ministry.

"What they did in Tampa's inner city was amazing," he said. "They were creative, sharp, innovative. The track they started out on was terrific."

The church had dozens of ministries that worked with disadvantaged children, the homeless, people with substance abuse problems, single mothers and others on society's fringe.

It put on Easter services in venues such as the Sun Dome, where thousands were treated to giveaways and performances by stars such as Loretta Lynn, Lee Greenwood and Patti LaBelle. The high energy and good works attracted high-profile members including professional athletes and other local celebrities.

As the church gained members and revenue, the pastors changed. Paula built her international television ministry and became a life coach on "The Tyra Banks Show." Randy talked of performing nuptials for Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson in Michigan (they filed for divorce a month later). He boasted that he wasn't like "religious" people, posing in 2005 for a cover story in Makes and Models magazine, a publication devoted to exotic cars, motorcycles and scantily clad models. He has tattoos, collects guns and enjoys wine.

At a Sunday service in April, he introduced his former personal trainer - an attractive ex-porn star turned Christian - from the pulpit.

"We're cutting edge," he told the Tribune that month. "We do things a little bit differently than what a typical ministry would do."

This week, White promised changes are in store for the church and himself.

Without Walls will be less independent and more visible in the community, he said. He wants to team with other ministries in the city.

For personal growth, he now has three "accountability partners" who will help him concentrate on being a "good dad and great pastor."

"I've been preaching restoration for 15 years," he said. "Now it's time to live it."

Tim Storey, a Los Angeles-based minister and life coach, is a big believer in restoration; when he divorced, his ministry was scarred.

"You can rebound from it, but not everyone will go with you," said Storey, a frequent guest speaker at Without Walls. "The key is turning to God to turn the setbacks into comebacks."

Paula White said she knows followers will feel let down and disappointed by the announcement, given that evangelical Christians hold marriage as a sacred institution and a cornerstone of a godly life.

"I wish there was a magic formula that gave you guarantees in life," she said. "Now I have to draw deep into my faith and let God draw me out of this dark place."

Doreen Fawkes, a former business administrator at Without Walls, said she hates to see any marriage end, but she's not surprised by the announcement.

"They grew at an unbelievable speed. It became less about God and more about self-promotion," she said, but the congregation needs to understand it's not just about the Whites.

"The people are the church," she said. "And the presence of God is the glue that holds them together. I pray the people will see that and carry on."

Share your comments on Without Walls at tbo.com, Keyword: Church. Michelle Bearden can be reached at (813) 259-7613 or at mbearden @tampatrib.com. Baird Helgeson can be reached at (813) 259-7668 or at bhelgeson@tampatrib.com.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20418259/

Convalidation...wow!

I've recently learned that the Catholic church does not recognize two Catholics as married unless they were married in the church by a priest. They may have been married in a civil ceremony or even in another church by another minister, but they will not recognize Catholics married in this way at all. Their marriages simply don't exist.

So, as I've come to learn this, I began to wonder if Coptic churches shared the same rules. Realizing that they are two totally separate churches, I also realize that they do have a few things in common. So, I asked my cousin (a Coptic Christian married to Mr. Free's Pentecostal cousin) if this was the case and, sure nuff, it is.

She also told me that, since she was divorced from her first husband, she is no longer able to sit in the first several pews of church, nor is she able to partake in some of the activities that go on during the service (I think she said communion, but she told me this a long time ago and I'll have to double check the details) because she is now hellbound according to them.

Anyway...

I'm not sure about Coptics, but any Catholics married outside of church can have their marriages convalidated by having a second ceremony in church and officiated by a priest. Unless and until they do, their marriages are not valid and they are seen as living in sin. Now, I don't mean to pass judgment or anything, but I can't help but to think of how wild this is. To me, this is a classic example of a church adding to the word of Yahweh. For nowhere in scripture does it say that a ceremony is even required, much less does it say where one must take place and that any man (priest or otherwise) must preside over a ceremony in order for it to be valid.

To their credit, however, they don't seem to put all of the emphasis on the existence of marriage on a contract like other churches do (except the Quakers and Amish, who we'll get to later).

Until I was about 12 years old, I was raised in the Catholic church. Went to Catholic school, mass, took communion...the whole nine. However, as I was thinking about this last night...and I'll have to verify this with my mother...I began to think about my own parent's marriage. I don't think they were married in a church. If I'm recalling correctly, I was told they were married in a civil ceremony while my father was in the service. If this is the case, then I'm actually a bastard (according to the Catholic church of which I am no longer a member) since my civilly married parents were just living in sin according to the church. At 40 years old, I'm just now figuring this out, lol.

Seriously, I don't mean to make light of this, but I just cannot understand how mankind has taken something so basic and pure, and managed to turn it into something so complicated and tainted. Marriage has been totally taken out of its purest realm and man has placed so many stipulations and false conditions on it until it's no longer even recognizable in its original form.

SMH,

Free

NOTE: To any Catholics or Coptic Christians reading this: I don't mean to bash...I just don't understand, nor do I agree. If you can explain this to me, using scripture, please feel free to comment or email me at LaLaLives@Yahoo.com.