Lately, I've been feeling like there's just way too much random and unorganized information crammed into my brain. Someone once said that the problem with having an open mind is that someone's always trying to fill it with something. In my case, the "someone" is me. I'm always wondering about Spiritual things, especially pertaining to Christianity. This leads me to question and study a lot of different beliefs within Christianity which only leads me to more questioning.
For the past few weeks, however, I've wondered if I'm taking in too much information. I know it doesn't sound possible, but when you're questioning traditions and even challenging your own belief system, sometimes it can be a bit much to process all at once. And since I don't want to end up one of those kooky people that's so wrapped up in Spiritual things that they end up not living in reality (lol), I've been really trying to organize my thoughts and find balance before trudging ahead.
This morning, I realized that this is sorta like when you are cleaning a very cluttered room. In the beginning, you're very motivated to get it done. But towards the middle, when you've pulled everything off of the shelves, out of closets, etc. and are attempting to sort it all out, you can sometimes have the overwhelming feeling of, "Uh-oh, this room now looks messier than when I started!" With time, though, if you just sit down and sort each item at a time-- deciding what's worth keeping and what you need to let go of (even stuff you REALLY like, but has no real purpose), you slowly whip the room back into shape.
So, I'm sifting and sorting. Aside from questioning myself about this whole marriage issue (and then questioning myself about WHY I'm questioning myself, lol), I'm also looking at other traditions and beliefs like Sabbath vs. Sunday, the sacred names (Yahweh and Yahushua), the Trinity, Paul's teaching vs. the Christ's teachings, do I still call myself a Christian if I don't believe all of the things they say I should (?), etc.
In my 15 years of being a Christian, there's a lot of "stuff" to take out and really look at. It's a journey, but one led by the Holy Spirit and one that's totally worth it.