Saturday, October 27, 2007

Plural Families

For those of you who don't know, "Plural Families" is the new PC term describing polygamous marriages. Like many of you, I've seen this topic discussed many times among internet groups of Believers and am at least loosely familiar with the varying perspectives on whether or not, as a practice, polygamy is biblical or should be legally allowed. What I'd like to know now is if you believe you could participate in a Plural Marriage?

Earlier today (or yesterday as I'm up late again), Oprah did an episode on plural families and it occured to me that it must be very difficult for men in these marriages to provide mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually for more than one wife. I know, normally the emphasis is on how great this must be for men at the expense of the emotions of the women involved, but today I had an opposite thought of how difficult a burden this must put on a husband (and I'm referring to families where women have chosen this lifestyle as opposed to those forced into it a la Warren Jeff's style).

Mr. Free didn't watch the show, but he passed through during a commercial and I asked him if, personal opinions and beliefs aside, he thought he could adequately meet the needs of more than one wife to which his answer was a fast and very firm, "no".

For this reason (among others), as a woman, I don't think I could be happy in a plural marriage. I have high expectations on being nurtured by my husband and I just don't see where one man could meet similar expectations with multiple wives. However, I have met women who feel otherwise (though I've yet to meet a woman actually living this way, some think they could handle it rather well).

So, what do you think? Do you believe you could manage to live happily ever after in a plural marriage?



Dana - W for Whatever said...

I don't think I could at all.

I'm fine with sharing but not the man I love. I want to be the only person he loves in that way.

On a side note I used to watch "Big Love" on cable which deals with plural families and polygamous relationships and I just feel that even though you are supposed to love all the partners equally it's just human nature to have and express a preference.

I think about how it would feel to not be the "favourite" in such an arrangement, to know that in your "marriage" you are not the most loved. I wouldn't want that for myself. I don't think I could live like that

FreeIndeed said...

Hi Dana,

I tend to agree with you. This is also one reason why, when I was single, I could never date a man who had a wife or even a girlfriend. If I can't be number one, I can't play. In fact, if I can't be the ONLY one, I can't deal. Afraid I'm not much of a team player, lol.

I only saw one episode of Big Love (does it still come on?), but it seemed like there was a little jealous tension in the household. Did the husband, in fact, love one wife more than the others?

On the flip side, however, I no longer think that the idea is as crazy as I once did. The more and more I've read about it, watched programs on it, discussed it with people online and looked at it from a biblical perspective, I can't 100% say that it's wrong to's just wrong for me.

And, for the life of me, besides sex, I can't really see what's in it for the man. I know sex is a big deal, but having more than one wife and multiple children is also very expensive. On the Oprah broadcast I watched, some families lived in sprawling, well-appointed mansions with 20+ children. Supporting such a lifestyle can't be easy. When would a husband even have time to enjoy a family under such a burden? I suppose some of the wives can bring in an income, but really I can't see the point beyond sexual variety.

Thanks for tuning in, Dana!


Anonymous said...

Even though plural marriages was directed by God in the old testament in the Bible it does not mean that God meant it to go on, The earth had to be replenished and if you would notice the first wife was always the one that was more recognised.We must obey mans laws for gods laws are centered around them.